The United States of Songs: Ohio

Welcome back to The United States of Songs, my quest to either find a new song to represent each state in the union or drive myself insane trying to turn these out week in and week out, whichever comes first. Come along with me, dear reader, to the Buckeye State!

The state: Ohio
The song: “O-H-I-O” by Ohio Players

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There no lyrics beyond “Ohio.” I don’t care. This song is awesome. And if anyone could use some funking up, it’s Ohio, whose state motto is “With God, all things are possible (except in Cleveland).” People tend to assume I share some affinity with the state or the city of Cleveland in particular on account of my last name, but aside from feeling happy for the Browns when they’re able to fool someone into letting them win once in awhile, I don’t know much about the place.

I’ve driven through Ohio four times, coming back and forth from the East Coast. Several years ago I briefly became enamored with a girl who was playing rugby for Ohio Northern University, but she went back to school and I moved to Los Angeles so that was that (Hi, Kris). I know it’s got a reputation as a pretty hard-luck state, similar to the troubles people tend to associate with places like Michigan: former manufacturing centers now shuttered, blue collar towns struggling to put people to work, that sort of thing. Even their sports teams have it rough. What springs to mind when I say the following names: Browns, Crew, Indians, Bengals, Reds, Cavaliers, and Blue Jackets. It wasn’t “champions,” was it?

The women of Ohio, though, are truly breathtaking.

But there’s some nice stuff about Ohio, too! I assume. There’s a lot of ancient history and culture there. Anthropologists think people were living there as far back as 13,000 BCE. The state’s been under French, British, and American rule in its lifetime, which is kind of unique. And hey, if you’re the “god-fearing Christian” type, Ohio’s got you covered: 76% of the population identifies as Christian, and the majority of those are Evangelical Protestants. So if that’s your thing, you’ll find a lot of people to get along with in Ohio, I guess. But don’t forget your education! Ohio’s one of the five largest state university systems in the US, processing over 400,000 students a year.

I’m giving Ohio a hard time, but the truth is I’ve known I’d give them this song since this project began. It’s fun, it’s funky, and it’s what a rust belt state needs: a song with some civic pride. Now answer this for me, Buckeyes: do you guys consider yourselves in the Midwest? The Northeast? Some other region I might not know of? I’ve always wondered, and I’ve heard differing opinions.

Want to complain about Randall’s slap in the face of Ohio? Got a better suggestion? Let us know in the comments below!

Runner-Up: “Ohio“ by Damien Jurado
Most Laughable Suggestion: “Ohio” by Modest Mouse

Flickr photo John Big Dawg Thompson by Erik Drost used under a Creative Commons License.